Welcome to The Totally Awesome Mini-Quest Show!
Every week, and dive into relatable conversations around the issues that impact women and crafted especially for Gen X women at midlife. Packed with powerful mini-quests, thought-provoking topics, and real-life strategies, this show is your go-to place for ditching limiting beliefs, rewriting your story, and reclaiming your next big adventure. Tune in, get inspired, and transform your midlife into your best life!
This week on The Totally Awesome Mini—Quest Show, we discuss all the things women (of any age) need to stop doing.
You can read the entire transcript of the video below, but in the meantime, here’s this week’s mini-quest.
This Week’s Mini Quest: Keep Your Magic Coins
Are you leaking your life force through tiny habits you’ve adopted from the rules of the patriarchy? Apologizing for no reason? Qualifying your brilliance with “I think”? Moving out of the way on sidewalks like your presence is optional?
Yeah. Us too. 😬
This week on The Totally Awesome Mini-Quest Show, we’re flipping the script on those sneaky self-abandoning behaviors—and inviting YOU into a quest intended to help you reclaim your power, one bad habit at a time.
Here’s the Mini-Quest
You start the week with 20 Magic Coins. (Why are they magic? They are filled with your SELF.)
Pick one thing from the list we discussed or from Suzanna’s totally awesome post: What Every Women of Any Age Needs To Stop Doing.
Each time you do the thing you said you’d stop doing (like apologizing to furniture, saying “just,” or shrinking your opinion), you lose a coin.
The goal? Make it to Sunday with coins left, or at least become brutally aware of where they’re going.
This is not about perfection. It’s about noticing. Shifting. Rewriting the script in real time.
Your coins are your self. Hold on to them.
Report back in the comments. We’ll shout you out next Sunday when we return with a guest who quested along with us.
Let’s stop draining and start reclaiming.
Lisa-Marie
We are live. Welcome once again to the Totally Awesome Mini-Quest Show with myself, Lisa Marie Cabrelli from Call for Heroines, and the lovely Suzanna Quintana from Totally Awesome After. We come on every Sunday at 2: 30. The first Sunday, we talk about an issue that is particularly relevant to our GenX Women Pals, and then we give you a quest, and we follow the quest along with you, and we also assign the quest to a guest. And so the following Sunday, We all get together with the guest, and we talk about how the quest went, and get ready for another GenX issue. This week's GenX issue is It's posted to us by Suzanna. Suzanna, why don't you talk a little bit about this issue? Because you wrote a brilliant post about it, and I would like you to tell us more.
Suzanna
I would love to. I wrote a piece titled What women of any age need to stop doing. I want to point out why I say of any age is because all of us women know that we get lists. What women over 50 to stop doing, what women in their 20s need to stop saying. What women in their 40s need to stop wearing. I was always curious about this of why do we have to divvy up women's lives by decades when the advice is pertinent to all of us? Why did I have to wait till my 50s for the advice of, Oh, now you need to have no fucks to give, and now you need to start saying no? Had I been told that in my 20s or when I was a teenager, where would I be? Those things that any woman will identify with as far as what we need to stop doing. A lot of it is not even what you think. A lot of it is so unconscious that we do very, very microtransgressions that make us abandon ourself. I wanted to... I have a bunch of things, and then we're going to tie that into the mini-quest as far as what can you do to make sure that you can just pull that back from the world that you're given the world and pull it back so that this is all...
Suzanna
We want to be bringing it back to you, and it doesn't matter how old you are. I wish somebody... I will tell you this right now. The three words I wish somebody would have told me is hide your money or control your money as a woman. So freaking important because who controls your money controls you. So anyway.
Lisa-Marie
That's absolutely true. And can I tell you a secret? It's actually not going to It's going to be a secret once I tell you on this call. We're talking about things that women should stop doing. And you said who controls your money controls you. And it's so true. When I was just leaving university, so in my early I had a boyfriend. He didn't work or he had a job for a month, and then he didn't have a job. Then he took all my money for beer and alcohol. We supposedly shared money, and I got paid in cash. Every week when I got paid, I had a ziploc bag tucked into the inside pocket of a jacket I never wore, and I put money in it.
Suzanna
Nice. So you were already on it?
Lisa-Marie
I was totally on it. I just knew. I knew If I don't hide this money, it's going to get spent, and I don't have any control over it, and I won't have any control if something happens. And of course, something happened because I was 22.
Suzanna
Well, you know what? I started off really well when it came to that. Because when you're younger, you're hearing your instincts more, especially when you're much younger. Because now we look back and we're like, I knew it back then. But when I was in seventh grade, that was my first I had a paper route. I was so freaking responsible. Getting up at 4: 00 in the morning, snowstorm or not, ride my little bike. I would save up. I was at the top of the list and would get prizes and stuff. I was nailing it for seventh and eighth and into ninth grade. I had my little paper route, and I always kept my money in a shoe box under my... I would just throw it in there, throw dollars in there. Worked since seventh grade. I have been working since seventh grade. As soon as I became a semi-adult, are we really grown up at age 19, 20? Then met my first husband. Then I fell into the system of women don't do that. Women don't hide their money, right?
Lisa-Marie
No.
Suzanna
You get married to a man and he controls. Yeah, I got into the system.
Lisa-Marie
He gets the money?
Suzanna
Yeah. So if anybody out there is like, especially you younger gals out there, hide your money. You don't need to hide all of it. Just hide it so that your future self will thank you.
Lisa-Marie
Just some of it. Put it in a plastic ziploc bag inside the inside pocket of some jacket. You never know where. All right. So what are the rest of the things in your article, Suzanna, that women should stop doing?
Suzanna
Number one, stop saying you're sorry. And I'm not talking about apologizing when you've done something wrong. I'm saying that... I say in the article, Tell me you're a woman without telling me you're a woman. Sorry, right? It pops out of our mouth like it's Tourette's. That's women's version of Tourette's. It's like, Sorry, sorry, sorry. My sorry was so bad, and I'm sure other women can identify that When I was younger, if I bumped into a fucking piece of furniture, I'd be like, Oh, sorry.
Lisa-Marie
I apologize to go to that all the time.
Suzanna
If somebody bumped into me, and it was their fault, but especially a man, Somebody bumped into me. I'm like, Oh, sorry. I'm like, Sorry, you bumped into me. Sorry, you got in my way. Sorry, you're taking up my space. I'm sorry for that.
Lisa-Marie
Can I tell you, I looked up a stat because I read your article. And did you know that according to a University of Waterloo study in 2020, so it's not that old, women apologize 81 % more frequently than men?
Suzanna
Wow. I'm not surprised, though. But it's wow, and I'm not surprised. And it also breaks my heart.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah, it's pretty heartbreaking.
Suzanna
It also breaks my heart. Yeah, because we're apologizing What are we? And again, not the real apologize. We've done something wrong.
Lisa-Marie
You should apologize.
Suzanna
No, the apology that women make for existing. The apology that we make for Ladies who are watching, do you apologize for taking up space?
Lisa-Marie
Write us a message because we could see what you write in the live. I'd love to hear from you guys to see If that's true, do you apologize for taking up space? Can I just add another thing, Suzanna, about taking up space that I just recently stopped doing? That is moving out of the way on the sidewalk. When a man is walking towards you. I always, always used to move out of the way. And very recently, I just decided I would start an experiment. And even it's worse now that you're invisible. When you were younger, they were looking as you went by, but now you're invisible and you don't move out of the way, they literally will walk into you. Oh, yeah.
Suzanna
They literally right through you. I know. Or the man spreading, right? You're sitting next to them and the man spreading where I'm on a plane and I'm like, Why are you taking up... I remember one time I'm sitting between two men. They're both taking up the armrest. They both got their knees that are crossing into my space. And I'm like, instead of like, move your fucking elbow over there. This is my armrest.
Lisa-Marie
So it's again, it's the same thing about like, stop Stop being afraid to take up the space that you need to take up to be who you are. Absolutely.
Suzanna
Yeah. Like Alisa says, so much to furniture. Isn't that crazy that we're Apologies to furniture. I don't get the comments, Suzanna.
Lisa-Marie
Only you do. So you're going to have to read the comments.
Suzanna
Oh, I got the comments. Yes. So agreed to apologies to furniture.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah, I do, too.
Suzanna
All the time. Everybody's saying all the time, even for existing. It is because we're raised to be quiet. If we do make noise, it has to be sweet. It has to be not angry. We have to watch the tone of our voice. From very early on, we're like...
Lisa-Marie
Yeah. Here's another stat that I looked up, and I think it's going to go to your next point that you're going to talk about in your article. But this stat also says, 60% of women... This is from a Harvard business review in 2022, so it's even more recent. 60% of women habitually qualify their statements using phrases like, I think, just, maybe I'm wrong, but... Which completely not only diminishes themselves, but diminishes other people's perspective of their confidence and their authority.
Suzanna
Yes. I'm just one of the comments, since you can't see them, is back to Cindy was saying about taking up space, is that she now is... If anybody is walking toward her, she just stops and stands like an immovable object. Forcing them to go around.
Lisa-Marie
Cindy, you are so brave. You take up your space, which is good.
Suzanna
So good. And then also the tone check. But yes, this This I'm still working on. I'm really aware. The list that I made, it's all stuff that I've been doing for just very aware of in my own stuff. And the more that I was aware of it, of these qualifiers, I think, or just, that's a huge one, just wanted to tell you instead of... And even just wanted to tell you, just tell them, right?
Lisa-Marie
Throat clearing, they call it. In writing, they call it throat clearing. When you want to say something in writing, don't clear your throat first. Just say what you need to say.
Suzanna
And also don't tell them that you're going to tell them. That's That's the thing I learned after my divorce when I had to do a bunch of emails. And then I would say, I'm going to do this thing. Then another one, I told you I'm going to do this thing. Then just, yeah. So don't tell them what you're about to tell them that's in writing, too. It's like, just say it. But we women, again, I think it goes back to that taking up space of just we have to preface Because, and my friend and I were talking about this last night, is that what is the core belief behind that? We were talking about our childhood and how when we came into a space, we felt like we were going to burden or we were going to interrupt somebody. Because we weren't important enough to, so we had to qualify. You get in the habit of to qualify something. But I am... I was just reading the comments.
Lisa-Marie
Keep reading because I can't see them.
Suzanna
Yeah. Cindy, who was like, Yeah, I stand as an immovable object. She's almost 70. So yay, Cindy. Also, why can't we be learning this at age 20?
Lisa-Marie
Why do you have to be 70 before you know you can stand as an immovable object? Exactly. It's terrible.
Suzanna
I see that all the time on... I'm very careful, particularly with I think, because I hear everybody... Funny is I was watching... I'm addicted to Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise and whatever else. Who is it? Yes, that's my... Who is it? Thank you. Because it's a train wreck, that's why I'm addicted. All the women, when they're getting to know, let's say it's the bachelor, right? You got the 30 million women that are all vying for his 30 seconds of time. When they're asked about, Well, what was your growing up like? What's your family like? It was crazy how many times they'd say, Well, I think when I was young, I felt this way. I'm like, You think? You don't know? You don't know if that's how you grew up.
Lisa-Marie
So anyway. Wouldn't that be so interesting if somebody did a sociological study on... Because that's a really good environment to take a look at that situation because these women are in a position where they're trying to make an impact. They're trying to make an impression. And so it would be super interesting to use that show or a show like that to see what women are doing to make themselves smaller. Like, I think.
Suzanna
Yes.
Lisa-Marie
Maybe we should do that. Maybe we should sit down and watch an episode and write that out.
Suzanna
That would be so good because I'm telling you, it's like a master class.
Lisa-Marie
We could do it during the course on it. We're talking about what things women should stop doing. At any age. At any age, we have to keep adding that. One of the things is habitually qualifying their statements. I was saying to you that one of the things I also do is at the end of sentences, so not at the beginning of sentences, but the end of sentences or at the end of an explanation or at the end of anything, I constantly say, Does that make sense? Like, I don't make sense. I don't have to make sense. It's that constant need as well for... It's not just taking up space. It's also that constant need for people telling you you're okay. You know what I mean? Yes, you passed the test. Yes, you're doing fine.
Suzanna
Yes, yes, absolutely. Yeah. If anybody in the comments, because Lisa Marie can't see the comments, but I can. If anybody has those, they're aware of those qualifiers that we would love to see them if they're the same. The just wanted to tell you or I think.
Lisa-Marie
Maybe I'm wrong.
Suzanna
Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah. Add other ones in the chat if you can think of another one that you particularly do. But let's go on to your next thing of what women should stop doing.
Suzanna
Yeah. So one of the big ones for me is following the rules. And when I say following the rules, I do not mean go commit murder. I don't mean don't follow the I mean follow the rules because I have... I got my first bachelor's in history, and I love history. I love the tracing back of things. That's my whole mindset. When somebody tells me to do something, I am stuck in the toddler phase of saying, Why? Somebody tells me, Why? Do this. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why should I? Following the rules as far as like, because we, Again, since we're little girls, we get pushed into this system of you do things a certain way. I'll use marriage as an example. We are told, Okay, this is the way to do things. You get married, you have a baby, you have a family, you do the things, and you have to do them in this particular order. We're also told that this is some long-standing tradition. First of all, marriage, not so great history for women. Not so great. It didn't start out as marriage as we know it now, today, very, very new. It's like in the whole history of people.
Suzanna
Super, super, super small. So it doesn't have a great history. So I always look back and I'll be like, Okay, cool, married. If you want to get, for example, there's a friend of mine from high school, and a couple of years her daughter, who was 20, got married, and there's a bazillion pictures on Facebook, and they were all excited. I won't say the religion, but let's just say that that's rule number one, that a woman gets married very, very young. She got married, and great. Pictures were beautiful. Mom was really happy. Cool. My question is, is that how many... Who was 20 at the time, she also had was then pregnant very quickly after and had a baby at 21. And again, another bazillion photos on Facebook, and it's all great. But my question is, is that exactly what she wanted to do? Cool. If you want to get married at 20 because you know within the very fiber of your being, and you know the divorce rate, you know the chances, all that. But you're like, Absolutely, this is what I want to do. All the power to you. Not only the divorce rate, what we also don't take into consideration or think about is also like, so you're married.
Suzanna
What's the percentage, Lisa Marie, of people who are married and stay married forever, it's not the flex you think it is, right? Because how many of those are unhappy? When it comes to follow the rules, those are the things that I'm like, Okay, cool. If that's what you want to do, but if it's what you want to do, you want to get married? Cool. You want to have a baby young? Cool. Do it all. I mean, I did. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, but I did. But not because I was following the rules. That's why I did.
Lisa-Marie
What's the rules that society has created for you? It's not the rules that you've chosen to follow yourself. That's a huge thing that we focus on in the Heroine's adventure is What is it that's driving you? Not what people tell you to do. What are your whys? Not these deceiving whys that come from other people that you think are your whys because you've convinced yourself that that's what you're supposed to do. But your real deep, deep moving whys. We used to tell our daughter when we were bringing her up that she She didn't have to do anything we told her she had to do unless we could give her a very good reason for why she had to do it. She was allowed to ask us at any time. A boy, did she call us on that? She did. There were some times where I was like, she would say, Well, why do I have to do that? There were some times where I was like, I don't know, Em. I don't know. I guess you don't. Because I can't think of a reason why other than that, I just want you to do it.
Lisa-Marie
Yes. Me wanting you to do it is not a good enough reason for you to do it.
Suzanna
Exactly. I just wanted to just quick because in the comments, this goes back to prefacing. I don't know how to pronounce the name, but the example is, Does that make any sense? Anyway, I just wanted to go back and see that. But yes, that idea of we're just on autopilot to follow the rules. My middle son would call me out on out on it. This still happens once in a while, where my middle son, he would say or do something, and I would be like, No, you can't do that. He's like, It doesn't make any sense. I'm like, Yeah, you're right. It doesn't. I told him, I realized that I'm like, and I tell all three of my boys because I still, sometimes, rarely, but sometimes do it where I'm like, Oh, my God, I don't even know why I said that mom things just pop out of my mouth. But I don't even know why I say them. It's just programmed in me to like, Oh, no, you got to do this because you got to follow the rules. I'm like, I don't even know why the fuck I just said that. I'm sorry.
Suzanna
Mom, things just pop out.
Lisa-Marie
I feel so badly, actually, of some of them is... I know that Probably the women on this call, if you have children, you might feel the same way. But once your children leave, you go, especially if they're girls, you go through this period of all the things that I think that I did wrong as a parent. One of my biggest things is that I, even though I tried so hard not to, still did all that societal programming.
Suzanna
Yes.
Lisa-Marie
Even though I'm very aware, I'm incredibly self-aware, and I teach other people not to do it, I did it to my own child. So this is how intense it is. So that's That's something you have to stop doing. It's another thing to add to our list. Stop programming your children. It's so hard.
Suzanna
It's so hard. So what we're doing is we're talking- Our intentions are good. And so that's how I learn to forgive myself because My oldest son is gay, but when he was young, and also he's my oldest son, so he was my trial and error child in what the fuck I was doing?
Lisa-Marie
I only had one, so I didn't even get to fix it.
Suzanna
Yeah, right. But yeah, when I looked back, I was like, whoa. Even though I was breaking all the generational trauma with him, I was like, I was such a loving, attentive just listening, all the things. And yet still, that was the autopilot I was on is that, Oh, I have a little boy. So I would talk to him about, Do you have any little crush on girls, right? Just stuff would just pop out of my mouth. Then when he got older, and I'm like, he's like, You can stop apologizing now, mama. I get it. Because I'm like, I'm so Oh, sorry, because that must have been confusing and added to your… Confusion. I'm supposed to be liking girls.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah. Well, we are talking here about all the things that Women Should Stop Doing. I think we have time to talk about one more thing before I assign the quest for the week. This is going to be a really good quest. What's the next one that you think we really should talk about before we go to the quest?
Suzanna
I'm going to go for the selfless. Stop being selfless. Oh, God, that's a good one. Nobody benefits when you are hooked up to the world's IV and drained of everything you are. Nobody benefits your kids, your partner, but most of all you. When I feel like- Sorry, Suzanne.
Lisa-Marie
I just want to say that image. Just to interrupt, sorry. But that image of being attached to the world's IV. I just had a flash in my mind of all these women sitting in the chairs getting chemo or something, but instead giving themselves to the world. They're just like, husks, like Dr. Who, Dolores. What are those things called in Doctor Who? Yeah. Yeah.
Suzanna
Just like that. It's because that's the system, the patriarchy. That's what we're taught, is to be selfless and not... And again, This goes back to following the rules because questioning, questioning past that, and that's what I did. The very definition of selfless is without a self. That's what women are supposed be. We're supposed to walk around without a self, just doing everything for everybody else. What that creates is just, can you imagine? Just a bunch of empty, not empty, but just drained. Well, no wonder we're all tired. We're all tired.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah. Because you need a self to give yourself some energy.
Suzanna
Yeah. Like Cindy just said, more like a blood donation. We give to the world and we We don't get anything back. We're just drained. We're tired. Yeah. Somebody else comment, It's up to women to fix the whole world. We just got to fix, fix, take care, nurture.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah. But you know what? I'm going to go back to what I'm publishing a post on Tuesday, and it is about the second coming of age. I think that that is a key issue in launching your second coming of age. Your first coming of age in the genre of coming of age, because all of my work links back to story and story structure. In the first coming of Age, it's you are in a situation of lack because you lack information, you lack knowledge, you're very naive, you're in a position of innocence at the beginning of your first Coming of Age. In your second Coming of age, your lack is yourself because you have given it away to everyone else throughout your entire life. I always say that menopause is the call to adventure for your second Coming of Age. In this post, I actually go through all of the elements of what a Coming of Age story includes, and then advise women who want to do their second Coming of Age, how they can move through those steps. But it starts with this lack of self. It's not a lack of self because we haven't wanted to spend the time to develop ourselves.
Lisa-Marie
It's this lack of self because we've given it all away. Yes. So scary.
Suzanna
That's so good. All right. Yeah. I just wanted to add on to what your post is going to talk about, is that second coming of age and how, especially when we women have been, again, programmed to approach midlife, of just like, Oh, you're getting older. This is- It's a downward slope, right? It's a decline. Now you hit 50, and it's all downhill from there. Where I had shared before is that I was feeling that way up until I turned 50. And then when I did, I was like, whoa, this is my second coming of age. But guess what? I don't have to learn to walk again.
Lisa-Marie
You come to your second coming of age being your own wise woman. You come to your second coming of age not needing the wise woman or the fairy godmother or anything. You have all the skills of the knowledge and everything you need to be the wise woman in your second coming of age, Which is why the second coming of age is so much more fun because you get directed. You don't have to come of age under society's rules. You get to come of age under your own rules and your own wisdom. We are talking about all the things that women should stop doing, and it is time to set the mini-quest. The way the mini-quest works is at the end of this call, at the end of this live, we will transcribe and post this conversation in a Substack post. You can come back, everyone who's watching or everyone who sees it after, can come back to the Substack post during the week to discuss how the mini-quest is going. Then next Sunday, when we have a guest, we have yet to name the guest yet. Next Sunday, when we have a guest, We will discuss, the three of us, how our quests went for ourselves.
Lisa-Marie
But we will also dig into the comments and the things that people have added to the post and introduce you guys if you are engaged in the Quest as well. We'll put your names and everything in the next post. Here's your quest for this week. You get 20 magic coins. These magic coins. What do you think these magic coins can do, Suzanna? I didn't decide what special things they get with the magic coins. Think about that while I do the quest. You get 20 magic coins at the beginning of the week. You need to pick one thing out of this list or something else that you think of. Maybe we'll put a whole list of stuff in the post. We can do that, Suzanna. We'll put a whole list of things for them to choose from or make their own thing. Pick one thing that you know you need to stop doing. Then you get your 20 magic coins at the beginning of the week. At the end of every day, see how many of those things you did for Every time you do the thing that you're supposed to stop doing, you lose a magic coin.
Lisa-Marie
Can you make it to the end of the week with your 20 magic coins? That is the question, or any magic coins, actually. Yeah. Can you make it to the end of the week with any magic coin?
Suzanna
The coins are... This is who we are, right? Because every single thing we would want to stop doing, it's because it's taking from us. So that's why those coins, when they're going out, we're giving ourselves away. We want to keep those. We want to keep who we are.
Lisa-Marie
At the end of the week, you want those 20 magic coins sitting right here in your chest, right? So don't spend your coins. Don't do the things you shouldn't be doing. I know what those things are. I'm going to put it out to the people who are watching now anyway, just because we have another five minutes to see if there's any somebody who wants to say anything or ask a question or bring up a subject that we haven't talked about and tell us if they're going to do the quest.
Suzanna
Yes. Also, Elisa just said, Spoon Theory on Steroids. I don't know what this... Do you know Lisa Marie, what the Spoon Theory is?
Lisa-Marie
I do know what the Spoon Theory is. The Spoon Theory says that every day you Start with a certain number of spoons, and you never know how many spoons you're going to get. You might make up in the morning and you've got 10 spoons, and so you can get all these things done that you wanted to get done during the day. There are some days you wake up and you've only got one spoon. The theory is, what are you going to do with that one spoon? You've only got one. Make sure you know what you're going to do with that one spoon. I talked about it in my sacred slacker post, which was last week, I think, where we talked about sometimes, what do you do when sometimes you have no spoons? And how can you feel comfortable being a sacred slacker? And we to find the archetype of the sacred slacker to make it easier for you to do that.
Suzanna
Yeah. Well, if anybody wants to... Yeah, I had more things on my list. Well, another one, but That piece is on my... What do you call it? My page on the Totally Awesome After.
Lisa-Marie
We'll link to it in the replay of the video. This is a brilliant post by Suzanna, so you can read the whole post and read all the other things that you should stop doing. We can link to it on the post with this recording in it. But any other questions? Anyone going to do the quest with me? Somebody do the quest with me.
Suzanna
Yeah. Felice is like, Love this Then I couldn't pronounce the name, but her middle name is Anna, so I'm going to call her. I'm going to call. Yes, Anna is here. But yeah, and again, if what's resonating with you is think of yourself hooked up to the world's IV, right? What is being taken from you? What abandoned Glenn and Doyle said, and I'm just I'm going to paraphrase what she said, but that women are raised to abandon ourselves. What we need is a revolution of women who are full of ourselves, not in a patriarchal, arrogant way, but that we're just full of ourselves in that we can take up space as much as the next person, and we deserve to take up space. We don't have to qualify it. Our words have every right to be out there and to be spoken. We don't have to... You were saying, at least three is that, do I make sense or putting, I think, at the beginning of something. But just all Everything to stop doing is, first of all, just fuck the rules. And also, except for this list, fuck the list. Don't follow the list.
Suzanna
Pay attention to this list. Follow What are these rules. Just the list of what to stop.
Lisa-Marie
Also, when I was doing research for this, I was looking up for women who have made comment like you were just saying about Glenn Doyle. Amy Schumer, the comedian and actress, she has a quote It's a quote that says, I have always apologized for everything, for taking up space, for having opinions. The moment I stopped apologizing unnecessarily, people started listening.
Suzanna
Yes.
Lisa-Marie
It wasn't until she started apologizing that people started listening. Because nobody takes you seriously if you're apologizing all the time.
Suzanna
I know.
Lisa-Marie
You're basically saying to them, I don't trust myself.
Suzanna
Going back to that, this is important for us to understand. My past of escaping an abuse of marriage and healing and recovering after that is that the responsibility I had was to look at... I did I didn't deserve any of it, but I needed to know why it happened so that I would never find myself in that place again. And part of that was looking at it and being like, having to ask myself those questions, right? Yeah. I didn't deserve it. But also we train people, we teach people how to treat us. And if we're teaching somebody that, oh, yeah, it's okay for you to talk over me, disrespect me, interrupt me, or even, like you were saying, is that teaching people that if I walk into a room and I walk into a circle of people and I'm shrinking, I'm putting off this. I'm teaching people that, Oh, I don't... What I'm about to say is not important and also Also, especially for qualifying, is it okay if we're interrupting and stuff? It's just important to understand that that is where we can help ourselves is by understanding that, again, like. We all need to stop from that.
Suzanna
Yeah.
Lisa-Marie
Especially when you stub your toe. I mean, that's their fault, not your fault. No, but I was going to say Teaching people how to treat us should be the Substack note title, right? Stop teaching. You're constantly teaching people how to treat you. Make sure you're teaching them, teaching them right. Yes.
Suzanna
By the way, Because you can't see the- Can't see. Yes. Cindy says, her quest is to stop being selfless. Stop being so selfless. Good one, Cindy. Then Dr. Donna, her quest is to empower women. As she says, For women to say, I don't have a dick, but I got big balls. Good one. Actually, I just want to say as far as... That's another phrase that I learned to stop saying is that because we equate strength with having balls. It's like, actually, they're not very strong. They get hurt very easily. A man will literally collapse with just It's like what we have, our anatomy, let's place it in a second.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah, that's pretty steady. Well, Suzanna is coming to you live from Mexico. And I am coming to you live from some town in France that I don't know where I am. I am going to be driving through Europe for the next week in an effort to get to our Italian home. I don't know where we're going yet. So whatever quest I choose is going to be really interesting because it's going to be the quest will take place on the road. We'll see what that is. But I'll decide before I repost this tomorrow. We know before I post the actual post tomorrow. That's it, right? We have the mini quest is assigned. Go get them, girls, ladies.
Suzanna
Yes. Stop doing it. Stop. No matter your age, just stop.
Lisa-Marie
Yeah. We'll link to Suzanna's brilliant article that tells you all the other things that you can stop doing. All right, well, we will see you next Sunday at 2: 30 Eastern Time live with a guest who did the quest, and also with all of you who comment on this post. We will have a chance to shout out you guys as well if you are undertaking the quest. So good luck, everybody. And we'll see you next Sunday. Yay. Yay. Bye-bye.
Suzanna
Good to see you wherever you are.
Lisa-Marie
You, too. Wherever I am. Bye.
Suzanna
Adios.
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