Midlife Crisis? Nope! It’s Your Second Coming Of Age.

Or... What John Hughes Knew About Menopause (Without Even Knowing It)

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Forget teenage angst. Your hot flashes might be your body's way of saying it's time for a new Coming of Age.

The other day, I was shopping in Tesco (a grocery store chain in the UK). I was stalking the Free From aisle and looking for my gluten-free oatcakes (hoping they were on sale because why do oats, water, and salt need to be so expensive, especially when I can make them at home for pennies? I digress). I was innocently going about my business, not causing any trouble, when “Don’t You Forget About Me” came on over the sound system.

The air shimmered, wind chimes chimed, and I was transported back to 1985. I saw an image of my older brother and me, dazed and stumbling out of the movie theatre at the Quaker Bridge Mall opposite the Space Port (where I had recently beaten my top score on Dragon’s Lair, thank you very much). We had just seen The Breakfast Club.

The movie had shaken me (to my core). I hadn’t even finished my extra buttered popcorn, so absorbed was I in this brilliant filmmaking.

“We are not alone,” echoed in my brain as we wandered out the double doors to wait for our ride home. As well as, “Everything can change in an instant.”

I don’t know about you, but I adore a good coming-of-age story, and The Breakfast Club is a classic.

(My husband scoffs when I call any John Hughes film a classic, but he’s a boomer who grew up in Scotland, so what does he know?)

Why do we love the coming-of-age genre so fiercely? Because we’ve all been through it. At one time, we were all one of them: the brain, the princess, the criminal, the basket case, the athlete. All of us have traveled through the isolation, the insecurity, the pain, and the ultimate self-discovery of becoming. Some of us, more easily than others, I might add. I'm looking at all of you Molly Ringwald clones (I wasn't one of them).

Coming-of-age stories remind us that change is possible and that transformation is natural and necessary. Not to mention, there is safety in this narrative construct. Sure, it might be painful, and we’ll probably struggle and suffer, but in the end, we’ll emerge with clarity and intention.

Coming-of-age stories remind us of the universality of the experience of youth, and of how we created the person we would be for the next 40 years.

Why only 40 years? Because my heroine, I believe, women experience a second coming-of-age. It happens to all of us and it happens at menopause (I'm always trying to reframe these damn hot flashes as power surges!)

The great thing is that framing this period of life as a second coming-of-age period busts through a few midlife myths…

• Midlife doesn't have to be a slow slide into sensible shoes and early bird specials. It can be an awakening.

• Success isn’t defined by society. We all get to determine our own version of success.

• Transformation is not only reserved for the young ones!

Can we wise women team up on a radical redefinition of midlife as a powerful second coming-of-age that emphasizes autonomy, self-discovery, empowerment, and (most of all) transformation rather than decline?

So, all this midlife musing begs the question, “Is there something in the coming-of-age story structure, something living in the classic literary and cinematic tropes of that particular genre, that we can use to inform and guide us on this second coming of age? This midlife Heroine's Adventure?

Let’s use The Breakfast Club to help us find out because the movie has the perfect cinematic structure from which to analyze and draw our lessons (who knew John Hughes was a menopausal visionary?).

Below are the classic structural components of a coming-of-age story. For each component, I have defined its more traditional meaning, clarified that meaning by providing an example from The Breakfast Club (TBC), and reinvented it by connecting it to our second coming-of-age story and process…

The Innocent or Naive Protagonist

• Definition: The main character (usually a teenager) starts their journey unaware of the complexities of life or their own power.

• Clarification (TBC): In the beginning, each character is uncomplex. They are all boxed into a stereotype: the brain, the athlete, the basket case, the princess, the criminal. They're all unaware of how limited, limiting, and false those labels are.

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): The Midlife protagonists begin naive after spending decades performing roles: the mom, the Overachiever, the Caregiver, the Rebel, and the Pretty One. We've been wearing these identities like last decade's skinny jeans. They used to fit perfectly, but now they're cutting off our circulation.

The Catalyst Event

• Definition: A loss, betrayal, opportunity, or invitation that propels the story.

• Clarification (TBC): They get detention on a Saturday! (If that's not a loss, I don't know what is.) They are all forced into stillness and disconnection from the outside world, which provides time to reflect (and rebel).

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): There are lots of places for us to find (or get hit over the head with) a catalyst. Divorce, empty nest, burnout, menopause, illness, relocation

Mentor or Guide

• Definition: A figure who helps the protagonist gain knowledge or courage.

• Clarification (TBC): Mr. Vernon is the anti-mentor. By representing the system, he ironically serves as a mentor by representing everything the kids need to fight against. Real mentorship comes through their peer-to-peer honesty and eventual vulnerability.

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): A coach, therapist, new community (Hello... Call for Heroines!), etc. But let's be real, the essential mentor may be that version of yourself you've forgotten.

The First Rebellion

• Definition: Acts of defiance against an old system, family, or internalized expectations.

• Clarification (TBC): The kids talk back, sneak out, smoke pot, and question their assigned roles. They say things they’ve never said before.

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): Leaving your job, saying no, changing identity, quitting the idea of perfection as a life goal.

Identity Crisis

• Definition: “Who am I really?” is asked in a moment of disorientation or grief.

• Clarification (TBC): "What if I'm not just a brain?" "What if I like being weird?" The kids confront how much of their identity is pure performance.

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): Talk about pure performance! We've had our entire lives to practice that, and we're better at it now than when we were young. Who am I if not who I’ve always been? I’m not a mother to young kids, someone’s wife, or the ‘reliable one’? We experience a profound moment of disorientation.

Rites of Passage

• Definition: Symbolic or literal events that mark the transition (e.g., first love, first loss, leaving home).

• Clarification (TBC): There's a whole bunch of vulnerable, emotional disclosure going on. The kids are confessing secrets, crying, laughing, and connecting beyond facades. This is the rite of all first-coming-of-age awakenings.

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): Will it be (or is it now) solo travel, first writing, health, self-discovery retreat? Perhaps it's a new romance, or a spiritual awakening.

Moral Awakening

• Definition: Discovering personal values, even when they conflict with external rules.

• Clarification (TBC): The kids realize their parents (and society) are flawed and contain multitudes beyond their labels.

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): Realizing what matters now. We realize what truly matters now that we are brave enough to choose for ourselves. Maybe it's freedom, creativity, values. But it's definitely not status. Not shoulds. Not shame.

Return or Reintegration

• Definition: The new adult self returns with insight and power, changed.

• Clarification (TBC): The brain, the athlete, the basket case, the princess, and the criminal may not be friends on Monday, but they will never be the same. This essay, written by the athlete, is their symbolic entry into adulthood: "Each one of us is a brain, and an athlete..."

• Reinvention (2nd coming of age): Now we are phoenix rising. We are claiming our power and creating an Extraordinary Life aligned with our true selves. You may go home, but you don't go backward! Perhaps you make a bold decision, like changing your work, relationships, or rhythms. You don't wait to be chosen. And you’ll write your own damn essay!

I'm imagining you sitting there reading this and thinking, okay, you've gone all nerdy Ph.D. on me here LM, because that stuff may be interesting and academicay (Give me the word, okay? It works in this context), but what use is it to me? How can I actually use that information.

You know me, I'm a fan of activation beyond reflection. So here's how.

In case I haven't shoved it down your throat enough already, please understand that this stuff isn’t just about understanding story tropes. As with all of my work (including all my Heroine's Adventure workshops and courses), this post is about using story structure to live more consciously, creatively, and courageously.

You’ve just walked through the classic arc of a coming-of-age story, and understood how that arc could apply to a second coming-of-age cycle in midlife.

So, now it’s time to plot your own Second Coming of Age.

Unlike Mr. Vernon's ridiculous essay assignment, this isn't pointless homework. This is life design secretly wrapped in story structure. And you, my heroine, are holding the pen.

Design Your Second Coming of Age Plotline

Use the following structure to map your current transformation, or set intentions for the one you feel rising within you.

• The Innocent or Naïve Version of You

  • What roles have you been performing that no longer serve you? What part of your identity feels outdated or boxed-in?

• The Catalyst

  • What event (past or present) cracked open the door to change? It could be external (loss, illness, burnout) or internal (a quiet knowing, a wild urge).

• The Mentor or Guide

  • Who has helped (or is helping) you awaken? A coach, a community, a character, your own inner voice?

• The First Rebellion

  • What’s one small (or bold) act of defiance you’ve taken (or do you want to take) against what you were taught to be?

• The Identity Crisis

  • Where are you feeling untethered? What question about your selfhood is echoing the loudest right now?

• The Rite of Passage

  • What symbolic act or experience could mark this new chapter? A retreat? A ritual? A radical shift?

• The Moral Awakening

  • What truth have you uncovered about what actually matters to you now that you’re no longer performing?

• The Reintegration

  • What will your “Monday” look like? What decision, practice, or boundary marks your return?

Just like the story structure of The Heroine's Journey, this path isn’t linear (there are so many forks in the road you might get dizzy). You may skip a stage (or several). You may be in three phases at once. You may circle back. That’s how transformation works, especially in midlife. It spirals. It expands. It loops until you’re ready to leap.

But this structure gives you something rare: a narrative map for navigating what might otherwise feel like chaos. If you're having a Second Coming of Age, you're not just surviving midlife. You're rewriting the myth of it, scene by scene, choice by choice.

Now that you’ve sketched the arc of your own Second Coming of Age, it’s time to take a closer look at the character you’re becoming (or archetype you're escaping from), because every transformation story is shaped not just by what happens, but by who the heroine becomes.

In The Breakfast Club, the five teen archetypes—the brain, the princess, the criminal, the basket case, and the athlete—were the boxes given to us at fifteen. We absorbed, performed, or rebelled against these stereotypes. But midlife gives us a second chance to recast ourselves, choose new roles, and claim new identities rooted not in expectation but in truth.

Just for fun, here's a reimagination of those five archetypes for midlife women. Use them as mirrors, invitations, and possibilities. You may resonate deeply with one. Or see yourself in all of them. Let them speak to the version of you that’s trying to emerge — and the version of you that’s ready to lead.

The Brain → The Strategist of Her Own Life

• Then: Defined by intellect, achievement, pressure to perform, and fear of failure.

• Now: She’s no longer only book smart, she’s wisdom smart. She uses her mind to build her future, not prove her worth. She stops performing for gold stars (and *clears throat* Ph.D.s) and starts designing an Extraordinary Life that serves her soul.

• “She used to solve for x. Now she solves for joy.”

The Princess → The Sovereign

• Then: Conditioned to please, to be beautiful, to be desired—not to desire.

• Now: She reclaims her princess powers without apology. She says what she wants, wears what she loves, and chooses herself first. Your midlife princess is not a decoration, she's a damn declaration.

• “She’s not waiting to be rescued. She’s renovating the castle.”

The Criminal → The Rulebreaker with a Cause

• Then: Angry, defiant, misjudged. A product of trauma acting out in chaos.

• Now: She’s a rebel with precision. She is definitely not a ‘should'er’ she's a "because I want to, dammit!" She uses her fire to forge new pathways for herself and others.

• “She didn’t calm down with age. She sharpened her aim.”

The Basket Case → The Wild Creative

• Then: Weird, anxious, misunderstood. She was either invisible or mocked.

• Now: She is unapologetically expressive. She no longer hides her fairy magic, hoping to fit in. Her differences are her superpowers. Her feelings are her fuel. She colors outside every line on purpose.

• “She stopped hiding her strangeness. It was her spell all along.”

The Athlete → The Body Reclaimer

• Then: Measured by performance, strength, and control. She was always masking pain and people-pleasing (especially for the crowds).

• Now: She honors her body not as a tool for others, but as a source of power and intuition. She reclaims rest, movement, and physical pleasure as acts of revolution.

• “She’s not trying to win anymore. She’s learning to inhabit.”

I started as a basket case and transitioned into a little bit of the brain and a whole lot of the princess. Nowadays, I’m thrilled to view myself as a Sovereign, wildly creative life strategist. What about you? Where were you then, and where are you now?

Shall we all get together and remake the movie?

We'll call it The Reclamation/Reinvention Club. I wanna direct.

JOURNAL PROMPTS:

“What if you’re not done becoming?”

“What did your first coming-of-age story teach you, and what did it leave out?”

“What’s the rebellion your 15-year-old self never dared, but your 50-year-old self is ready for?”

If you answered “Prioritizing self-care and missed last week’s journal prompt, " you might want to read…

Coming up for Paid Subscribers?

• The April Group Coaching Call. Where we all chat about your burning questions. I’ll be live from our summer home in Italy (we went early this year)

• This week in 52 Narrative Shifts to Reinvent Your Midlife: I don’t have the energy to make changes

If you want even more, you can join The Lab, aka the inner circle shaping the future of The Heroine’s Adventure. As a Lab member, you get early beta access to every course, workbook, and tool I create for free, before they become available for purchase. Your feedback (or silent lurking, no judgment) helps shape what’s next. You’ll also get behind-the-scenes insights from someone who built and sold a 7-figure business from scratch. I’ll show you the real systems, strategies, and decisions behind this adventure, so you can use them in yours.

Coming up in The Lab?

• Heroine’s Adventure Quest: Mining for Magic - What Your Ordinary World Wants You to Know.

  • Your Character Arc:

    • From: Stuck in your "ordinary world," unable to identify what needs changing or how to create a meaningful shift in your life.

    • To: A clear map of your desired changes, an understanding of the root causes of your challenges, and practical steps to begin authoring your transformation story.

• In Spoiler Alerts (the posts where I spill it all): a full breakdown of my Substack Notes strategy, including a backstage peek into the systems that keep my Notes humming.