Why You Need to Run Away From Home!

Or...You can have too many coconuts.

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Okay, my Heroine... Are you stuck?

Not stuck, like you can't make forward progress, but trapped. Like, where you are, geographically speaking, is not serving your extraordinary life.

I'm about to admit where I once felt geographically trapped, and this confession will do one of two things.

1. Make you hate me forever for being an ungrateful, flawed human.

2. Help you understand that I'm sharing this story so that you can let your guilt melt off you like a two-year-old's ice cream onto their stroller on a beach boardwalk.

Have you ever been so comfortable that it starts to feel like a trap? Welcome to my paradise prison. Picture this... I'm all cozied up in a gently rocking hammock. To my right is the scarred old palm tree trunk. I'm pressing my dangling foot against it on every swing to keep the momentum of the soothing motion. To my left is a low wall, at the perfect height for me to rest my Bahama Mama for easy access. Beyond that wall is a still ocean. I mean, lake still. The only motion disturbing the glass-like surface is the distant trail of a sea turtle as his head bobs above the surface for a breath before he disappears again. I can see the bottom of the ocean floor where the local friendly yellow and black zebra fish I have named Maude is coasting back and forth as though following the rhythm of my hammock's swing.

There's not a cloud in the cerulean sky (I stole that word from The House in the Cerulean Sea? Have you read it? It's adorable), and not a whiff of breeze. (This was before my hot flashes when I relished the heat).

This was my spot every day at 5:00 pm. After a busy day of working from home, I lay in that hammock reading my book for a half hour before heading inside to make dinner for my family.

Feels like a watercolor painting of bliss, doesn't it? It was. We'd worked hard to make that life happen, and it was everything I wanted (let's be honest, it was everything everyone I knew wanted!) But I was trapped between a busy road in front of our house and a vast ocean behind it. You needed a car to go anywhere, but there was nowhere to go after a while. Perpetual holiday living promises a dream, but for a type-A, overachieving maniac, it eventually wasn't.

Nassau, The Bahamas is paradise. It has some of the best beaches in the world. It has incredible restaurants and fabulous, interesting people. But Nassau doesn't have much theatre, opera, or concerts. There weren't many fellow female entrepreneurs or a community that stayed put, intellectually stimulating conferences, etc.

I was trapped.

In a story, when an author wants to illustrate a trapped character, we often use geographical settings to act as both literal and symbolic traps, shaping the protagonist's struggles and growth.

Think of Katniss Everdeen trapped in District 12. The geographical environment shapes Katniss's struggles and growth. She wouldn't know how to use a bow and arrow if she didn't have to hunt because she lived in the poorest district in the country, and it was the only way to feed her family. She couldn't dream of a world beyond her own because the Appalachian mountains surrounded her.

Just as the setting in a novel can limit a heroine's behavior and experiences, so can the setting in real life.

Here's the difference. In a story, the author controls the heroine's setting. In your life...you do!

Now, please don't come at me. I know you're screaming at me in your head. "But, I can't move to The Bahamas, LM. I can't even move to a different town, let alone a different state or country!"

I get it. I gave a drastic example because it's the only one I had. But the point still stands.

You, my friend, have power and control over your life settings.

Even if moving internationally or to a different town isn't feasible, there are ways to subtly shift one's environment to address personal struggles. This is why you need to run away from home. Small changes. Big Impact. You can make what I call micro-escapes.

Here are some ideas for writing a setting into your extraordinary life.

When you need to laser-focus on something.

When I need to focus on a specific activity (like writing these posts for you, my heroine), nothing works better for me than a coffee shop. Research from the University of Arizona and the University of Kansas showed that noise levels around 50 decibels—comparable to a coffee shop environment—are ideal for office spaces. These moderate noise levels can reduce stress and improve focus.¹

It works for me! If it's too quiet, I start thinking, and when I start thinking, I have ideas, and when I have ideas, I start working on them, and when I start working on them, I drop whatever I was supposed to be doing and do that instead. So, I go to a coffee shop, grab my decaf americano with almond milk, admire all the other responsible people with their laptops, and set my Pomodoro. Until that timer goes off, I'm working head down.

When you’re hunting for that creative spark.

When I am in creation mode (remember, try to stick to one mode), I feed my soul through art, reading, or music. While working through The Artist's Way in my early acting days in New York, I started attending museums for my artist's dates. Back then, NYC museums were free (which was great for my empty actor's wallet), but now the cafes have Wi-Fi (even better). Do you want creativity bursting through your pores? Grab your moleskin or your laptop and head out to an art museum. You can sit on a bench in front of an inspirational piece or head over to the museum cafe. Give yourself an hour to wander and soak it all in, then sit down… and create.

When you need accountability.

So you've been sitting around the house in your pajamas for a week, beating yourself up for getting nothing done? Time for accountability. If you have a spouse who goes to an office, head over there. I used to go to my husband's office to work, but only if I could tell him exactly what I'd accomplish and show him results at the end of the day (this was my idea, not his; he's no patriarchal taskmaster). If you don't have a spouse or a friend who works in an office, visit a co-working space. If you live in a major city, there are a plethora of choices for co-working memberships (just google co-working). Approach a friendly co-worker at the beginning of the day and ask them to be your accountability partner. Trust me - you'll get the work done.

When you need a burst of joy in your day.

Do you look up from your laptop and wish for a friendly face to smile at you? Are you facing a tough time with family or work, or are you feeling down? Nothing cheers me up like kids. I like to hear them laugh. If I need some cheering up, I go to a playground to work. My husband would head to an indoor football (soccer) club. My daughter would go to the dog park. Whatever makes you smile, that's where you go. Grab your mobile hot spot or plan offline work for the day and shake yourself out of the funk.

When you need de-technologyfication.

Nope - it's not a word. I made it up. But sometimes, you need to get away from email, social media, and, especially lately, the news! Nothing will de-technologicallyfi you more than nature. Pack a picnic. Pack your journal, colored pencils, and a blanket, and find a lake, a forest, or a nice green park. Commit to spending the day thinking and writing. Who knows what you'll come up with? I bet it's good!

Just as authors do when writing the surroundings for their protagonists, consciously writing more settings into your life will change your life. And best of all, you won't need to spend five years in a vacation location to realize that, although you love Maude, her inability to sing 'Vissi de arte' is starting to get you down.

Journal Prompt

Is your setting serving your needs? Is there anything you could change about your permanent environment that would nurture and nourish your needs? If not, what are your micro-escapes? Where could you go to suit a mood or a problem?

1. https://workinmind.org/2023/02/09/us-university-study-finds-cafe-like-noise-levels-ideal-for-office-spaces/

If you are enjoying the journal prompts, I would LOVE it if you would give me a belated Christmas present and RESTACK this post with your idea of how you will change your setting.