Stop Roasting Marshmallows on Dragon Fire

Or... People shy away from choices, because then they'd be responsible for the outcome.

You don’t need another newsletter. You need your next move.

Call for Heroines delivers bi-weekly Pocket Quests and travel-soaked Postcards from a Midlife Elsewhere, both designed to help you shift your story and reclaim your plot.

And don’t miss the “Totally Awesome Mini-Quest Show” (LIVE every Sunday at 2:30 pm ET) for even more bold quests, story reframes, and real talk about what midlife reinvention actually looks like.

An evil dragon is sitting on your shoulder, haunting you daily. He makes you accept the blueberry muffin from the deli employee, even though you'd asked explicitly for lemon. He makes you walk past your dirty brown hobbit-hole front door every day, even though you've had the catalog with the juicy cherry-red upgrade sitting on your coffee table for months. He makes you watch Bridgerton Season Two for the umpteenth time (no judgment here) instead of working on that business plan collecting dust and coffee ring stains. That dragon's name? Complacency.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away called New Jersey, there was a complacent, tired, bored young woman (Me. That woman was me.) I was a corporate go-getter, smashed up against an impenetrable glass ceiling and suffocating. One day, as I was tapping my fingers on my cubicle desk, desperately willing the clock to speed up to 5:32 PM (the unofficial earliest escape time), an email pinged into my inbox. Big news! The company was to be acquired. Unfortunately, there would be layoffs, but they would come with a generous leaving package. The layoffs and packages are involuntary (meaning the bog-wigs decide who stays and who goes.)

My workmate, Graham (not his real name), appeared in the cube doorway and leaned his lanky, suited body against the frame. "Thank God, they are involuntary, " he said. With a package offer like that, I'd be tempted to take it. I wouldn't want to have to make that choice."

And with that, he left, discarding the only weapon we possess to slay the dragon called Complacency. Choice.

I craved that choice like a parched traveler craves water. I'd dreamed of launching my own business for years, but fear had always chained me to my comfort zone. I'd wanted to start my own business for years but couldn't get my nerve up to leap. That generous package would strengthen my courage and bandage my straining bank account. So, by gosh, I wasn't going to let those mediocre white men dancing on that glass ceiling make my choice for me. I went to my boss and told him I wanted the package. He said no. I inhaled deeply, summoned every ounce of courage, and marched over his head to call his boss. He said YES.

Graham was in shock.

"You asked for it? But, they said it was involuntary."

"It was." I said, "until it wasn't."

"Oh," he said and wandered away.

Graham was relieved the layoffs were involuntary because he didn't want to face a difficult choice. When you make an active choice, only YOU are responsible for the outcome. If Graham had to choose actively, it meant he would either have to choose to be unemployed, scary, or choose to stay in the job he hated (trust me, he bitched daily), even more terrifying. Graham's dragon of complacency was breathing fire, and my friend was happily roasting marshmallows.

Graham ignored the truth that not choosing is a choice. Not choosing is choosing the dragon. Not choosing is yielding the direction of your life and your future happiness and fulfillment into the hands of others (who, frankly, couldn't give a crap about you).

Choice is the sword that can slash through that complacency dragon because choice creates change, and change creates opportunity. And opportunity is the antidote to remaining complacent.

The good news? You have that sword in your treasure bag, ready to slice through any complacency dragon that dares to cross your path. It might be a scary weapon to wield, but you can practice. You can practice on little choices until you are brave enough for the big ones. Draw your sword at the deli, at your front door, and especially when Complacent tempts you toward a certain dashing regency Lord, who looks irresistible in his soaked white puffy shirt (okay, go ahead and re-watch that one episode, but skip the rest). Remember - Every choice is a stepping stone towards a more vibrant, less predictable, more extraordinary life.

Journal Prompt:

Grab your glittery pen, and let’s play a game called 'This or That.' Create two columns on your page. In the left column, list all the things you did today. On the right, brainstorm an alternative choice. What choice could you have made that would have taken you one step further into an extraordinary life versus staying right where Complacency wants you? Picked up dry cleaning? Maybe you could’ve tried that salsa exercise class in the gym next door. Ordered takeout? Maybe that Gordon Ramsay recipe could’ve spiced up your evening! How many exciting alternatives can you dream up? Pick one from your ‘That’ column and plan to do it tomorrow.