If I Had a Million Dollars I Would...

Or...A nudge to start living for today

Is this a date?

He’s my boss, so are we allowed to date? He’s standing at the bar ordering drinks from the fake Irishman in a cheap kilt, and all I can think about are the killer Calvin Klein heels (it was nearly the nineties, don’t judge) I accidentally left on the battered shoe rack in my breezeway. Those strappy sandals make my legs rock in this pencil skirt. Instead, I’m stuck with the black, elasticized grandma sandals I popped on for ultimate train comfort. They make my legs look like they belong in an old Italian lady’s housecoat. Has he noticed the grubby sandals? Would he date someone who wears such horrendous footwear?

Is this a date?

“I got you a large.” He says in his delicious Scottish accent, the “r” rolling around the back of his mouth and leaving his lips like a purr. As he lowers the wine glass, it bumps the napkin holder with a clang, and my mouth waters like a Pavlov dog. 

You know how you read a book and fall madly in love with a character? For me, it was Jamie from ‘Outlander.’ My bestest book boyfriend. After reading Outlander, I convinced myself that everything good about Jamie was because he was Scottish. I’d never met a Scot, so what did I know?

Living in Dundee for eight years has since disavowed me of this ridiculous notion (Jamie was just a hot, shy virgin who adored his partner - and who could resist that), but, at the time, the Scottish yearning was real. I’m not saying this is why I agreed to go to the pub with my incredibly sexy (Scottish) boss when I wasn’t sure if I’d return to Jersey and find HR had piled my stuff outside my locked office door, but I’m not saying it wasn’t.

The conversation flows as easily as it does in the office. We talk about work, of course, but soon drift into life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (and neither of us is American). 

“What would you do if you had a million dollars?” I ask him.

“Let’s make lists,” he suggests.

He drags a stack of napkins across the graffiti-scarred table and reaches for pens in his briefcase. My list is easy: take care of family, travel, and give to charity. 

His list is the same.

We focus on the travel part first (in truth, who doesn’t!) and list our dream destinations: anywhere in South America for him and more Asia for me. I tell him I’d like to donate to those charities that are building schools. He tells me it’s his dream to volunteer at an animal sanctuary (I mean… come on! Please let this be a date). 

And as we were chatting, and he was smiling, and I was fawning… I had an epiphany that shook up my life.

Why, on God’s green earth, was I waiting until I had a million dollars? There wasn’t a single thing on that wish list I couldn’t do right now!

What else was I not doing while waiting for some distant day in an unknown future that would likely never appear?

And to be honest, I get momentarily distracted from my sexy boss (date?) Because the truth is… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m not doing because back then, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Do you?

That night went on and on, like the scene in the movie where the cinematography is so gorgeous you forget you’re even watching. We went from The Old Brogue to the Sweetwater Tavern, and the chat never stopped. When Sweetwater chucked us out, he asked if I wanted to find a coffee or if I wanted him to drive me back to my hotel. I chose the Sheraton.

We’ve been married for eighteen years (together for twenty-five), and he was right about us. We didn’t wait until we had a million dollars. We just started on our napkin lists, which we blew out of the water long ago. 

I guess it was a date.

JOURNAL PROMPT: Heroines… get out those journals and label a page… What am I waiting for? Start a list of everything you are waiting to do until X. “I’ll join the gym when I have two mornings a week free.” “I’ll start painting again when I have room for a studio.” “I’ll schedule Europe when I get that promotion.” I know you have more. Look at your list now and then and ask yourself… Is there anything I could do right now?

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